Sonora Smart Dodd heard a sermon about Mother's Day in 1909. Her father was a single parent raising his 6 kids as a Civil War veteran. She began pushing for a holiday to honor fathers in 1910. Father's Day was made a national holiday in 1972 by President Nixon. It is a day to celebrate fatherhood and the influence of men in society.
As with every situation we all have a unique family and life experience. I know there are some tough situations out there and I know there are abusive men in the world. Finding joy and gratitude in all situations is part of the journey.
My daughter living in China tells me that in that culture, no matter what a parent does, they are still respected by their child. It is woven into their culture for more than 600 years by stories and teachings and is called Filial piety. It is the center of China's moral compass and is incorporated into all major religions and belief systems. Recently the government took steps to make respect for parents part of Chinese law.
Many people that spend time hating Father's Day because of what their father did OR the lack of a father. Many men give plenty of reasons to deserve a bad rap. But rather than focusing on that, focus on the good. What are any good qualities of your dad? Even if the only thing you can find is the fact that he is biologically responsible for your existence, find gratitude in that. Focus on what we can do in society to support men being great dads. How can we raise sons to be great dads? Celebrate the men in your life and in society that make great contributions.
Now I get to pay a tribute to the men in my life. They are not perfect and they even caused me some tears along the way. But I choose to focus on the things that made them great.
For example, my dad, sometimes he was grumpy or played too many jokes on me. I always fell for them. His favorite… "Kally, this sour cream I think has gone bad, what do you think?" As soon as I go to smell it and check it out, he shoves my nose in it. Even as an adult, I fell for that. My dad was a hard worker. He was going to school and working two jobs when I was young. I think now I can understand some of the grumpiness. I know he did his best. My favorite memory was his love of Disneyland. Nearly every summer we went and I loved that. When I went off to college, he would often stop by and leave me all his change, perfect for me to do laundry. I did spend plenty of time being mad at him. And I did learn some great lessons from him. When I had my kids, he would come over and tell me, "Focus on what you want, not on what you don't want. If you want Trevor to stay off the table, say 'Trevor, lets play on the floor,' not, 'Trevor, get off the table.'" It was great advise. But one of the greatest things I saw in my dad was change. He is a better man today as a result of change and growth and he was willing to do it.
Another example is Mark, the father of my kids. Okay truth be told, I wasn't so sure that our marriage would last in the beginning. He had no clue. We both worked and when he came home from work, he sat and read or did whatever he wanted. While I got up earlier than him, did all the housework, laundry and cooking. I was getting tired. Even when I got pregnant, this continued. One day I woke up from the marital bliss I had imagined and told him something was wrong. He had bad habits. To him the idea of changing a diaper was not an option. Over the course of the next few years we worked out a lot of things. He was willing to CHANGE, to learn, and to help once he realized. For that I'm most grateful and he has been my best friend, companion and a good father.
I rarely do dishes. It started out that I cooked all the time, so he said I shouldn't have to clean up. Even now when I'm working and we all cook – he still says I shouldn't wash dishes, it isn't my favorite chore. I love this. A couple of weeks ago I was doing dishes. My 5th child and son looked at me and thought it was so weird. He said, "Why is mom doing the dishes, that isn't her job, she never does dishes." And he wanted to take over right away doing the dishes.
He cleans up all the vomit from the kids and the dog. When I was pregnant, I couldn't handle it. So he just does it all the time.
He never once complained when I wanted to go home to visit. He let me take the kids and go as often as I wanted. And he took care of himself while I was gone.
He often would take the kids for an all-day or even a two-day adventure so I could have the day to myself to do whatever I wanted. He even sent me away alone to get recharged.
All those things were a big deal to the kids, not only in time spent with them, but in setting an amazing example of being a dad. Those are just a few of the things he does and did to lighten my load. He laughs with the kids and plays with them.
My father-in-law, he has never been one to interfere in our lives. He has had some counsel and guidance for us and always cares. He is always so happy when we go by to visit.
I am so grateful for my father, my husband and my father-in-law. There really are some wonderful fathers in the world.
Need a gift idea and want to stay away from all the commercialism? Make a jar of quotes and memories for your special dad. It is real simple to do. Take an ordinary canning jar and decorate the outside. On pieces of paper write or type quotes about fathers, things you're grateful for about him, and special memories of him. You can also add questions for him to answer. He can either record them on the slip of paper, or in a journal book. It is great for the kids and for mom too. My kids ask Mark questions and I learn stuff about him all the time. If your kids are too small to appreciate this, then writing them down for the future is awesome. It is a great way to get to know him a little better and boost his day. It is a great idea for grandpas also.
No one is perfect and we can certainly look for flaws in the men in our lives. But if we use my dad's advise and focus on more of what we want, we will get more of what we want. What you focus on, you see more of. So in honor of Father's Day, let us show honor for the great men in our society and in our lives and the good that they do.
Happy Father's Day! And thank you for all you do.
What makes a dad great? Go ahead share below in a comment and really celebrate the amazing contributions of our men.
Kally
Indigo Mountain: Wellness, Toys, and Gifts
Here is a family picture of all 9 of us from 2004. They grow up way too fast.
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