Category Archives: Relationships

The Leaders of Tomorrow, Raising Children

water-fight-442257_1920Kids - and more kids everywhere.   Whether or not you have kids living at home, or adult children, or no children at all; WE are ALL affected by the kids of the world.  Raising children is vitally important.

The youth of today WILL be some of the leaders of tomorrow.

The youth of today WILL be our teachers, police officers, our war veterans, our doctors, our lawyers, the business owners, and the administrators and care givers helping us adults when we enter old age.

The youth of today will possibly be the homeless adults of tomorrow, the veterans having issues, parents that can't find work, and even the criminals locked up in prison.

WE ALL have a responsibility to raise kids that can be the LEADERS of communities, states and this great nation.  We have a responsibility to nurture kids that will want to do the hard jobs and do them well.  We need to raise kids that want to be great teachers to help educate future amazing adults.  We have a responsibility to provide an environment that fosters the arts and creativity in children to help their amazing minds reach their full potential.  We need to place emphasis on raising children in a healthy and dynamic way.

"It takes a village to raise a child." -African Proverb

I know this to be true.  One, I was once a child and two, I have seven children myself.american-soldier-381847_1280

As a kid, I knew that I anywhere I went, if I mis-behaved any adult would be free to correct me.  And as a kid, I respected every adult.  No, life wasn't perfect.  There were adults in my village that were not honorable.  But, that didn't matter.  I had a whole village.  I had church, school, my neighborhood, my friend's parents, my extended family and of course my parents.  Most of them felt it was their duty to correct me when needed along my path.  I think I turned out pretty decent.  I NEVER had the perfect childhood either.  Go figure.

I had good and bad examples.  I learned from both.  I was nurtured by the good examples.  And I was allowed to develop my talents and stretch my brain.

I didn't have a perfect childhood, I didn't get special training or classes, I often got picked last, sometimes I won, sometimes I was alone and scared, sometimes I lost, sometimes I had no friends, my heart got broken and sometimes I got in trouble for things I didn't do and sometimes I actually got away with something.  I fought with my siblings, babysat them and thought my parents were unfair.  I did have people in my life who loved me and some who didn't.  I had a village.  I am the product of that village.

When I was very young, racism was very much alive and real.  Once I was even told not to play with kids that had a different skin color by one of the adults in my village.  That was still an accepted idea at that time.  But I saw those same adults treat other adults with different colored skin with respect and I knew we were all the same.  Then my grandmother did some research, privately but because she was part of my village we all saw and learned from her; anyway she did some research on different races, read books, prayed and changed her view on this topic.  My grandmother was born in the 1920's in the west.  I learned from my grandmother we could adapt and learn on some very controversial topics.  This same grandmother kept taking classes and learning.  Her world went from horses and a few cars to jet airplanes and computers and she kept up with it.  She even took language classes.  I learned from her to keep my mind busy, learn new things, and stay active.  She also served the community a lot in the local hospital and at church.  I saw her quilting blankets for the hospital all the time.  She was serving others until she was 90 years old and passed away.  I learned to serve as a virtue from her.

When I was born, I was left handed.  Although most of the adults thought I "should be" right handed.  In 1st grade I broke my right arm.  The school of course hired a tutor to take care of me even though I insisted I still could right with my left hand.  Nope - I wasn't "allowed".  And I missed that very important time of the day COLORING.  However in 4th grade my teacher was a hippy rebel, she even made us sing "hippy songs" which I still remember to this day.  Well my hippy teacher thought it was good to be left handed and even got me left handed scissors.  I didn't have bad feelings to the other teachers, but sure my heart was happy with my 4th grade hippy teacher that made a huge difference in my life with teaching me that lefties are awesome, hippy music was fun, and basically learning was fun.  She dressed well and taught more than what was in the books.

piano-1493797_1920I always loved to play the piano.  I didn't have a teacher once so I asked my granny if she would teach me.  She was very talented.  She was very blunt and honest with me and said she didn't like kids and wouldn't be able to.  She just didn't have the patience to teach piano lessons.  The horror..... NOT.  My granny was kind and loving and honest.  A trait she taught me.  She taught me that you can be openly honest and kind.  I never held it against her, in fact I loved her even more and admired her.  She did obviously have children of her own, that is how she became my granny.  She had six children.  And she played cello and other instruments, she painted, carved, and made tons of amazing crafts.  In fact this granny kept her hobbies up and learning new arts until she died.  She stayed busy doing and creating.  She in her youth was in an orphanage.  She went onto be one of the artists in Disney's movie "Snow White".  I learned you are never too old or too limited to develop talents.  And I learned you can be honest with yourself and others and still love people.

I had a friend at the age of four.  I still know her today.  She is my oldest and dearest friend.  I spent a lot of time at her house.  Her mother was an industrious person, always busy making things.  And no matter what, anytime I went to her house, she smiled and said hello.  She was a happy person and always had a meal to share.  I don't know if I know a happier person.  She is getting old now but when I see her, she still has a big smile and says hello.  My friends dad was a tease.  He teased me non stop.  They both made me feel accepted in their home and I was expected to follow the rules, which I did of course.  I learned from them how to treat other all the time.

I had a piano teacher, my neighbor.  She went above and beyond teaching me the piano.  She loved the piano herself and she saw in me greatness when I didn't see it myself.  She weekly inspired me.  She had loads of patience even when I didn't practice and she encouraged me to excel and strive for my very best.  I didn't believe in myself or my talent, but she did even when there were others that could play better than me.  She helped me believe in me, the real me.  She taught me that if I worked hard I could play the piano well.  As a senior in high school I learned to play Brahms Rhapsody in G minor.  I learned to keep practicing the rest of my life and the joy of playing an instrument.

I had uncles in my life that not only teased me and played tricks on me, they nurtured my scientific mind and encouraged me to go to college, a university.  Which I did to major in Aerospace Engineering.

When I was eight, I got bit by a rattlesnake and I was in the hospital for nearly a week.  Adults in my village from the community that knew my dad and from church came to visit me.  One of the "old men" snuck me in a milk shake which made my day during the long days at the hospital.  They visited me, which was so nice.  We didn't have computer games, Game Boys, or much TV at that time.  Visitors made the difference.  They even played games with me while I was stuck in bed.

In addition to setting a good example for children - your own or in the community; teach them to endure.  They also need to learn to work in groups.  They can learn the art of negotiation in groups, with their friends or siblings and in school.

Give kids opportunities to make decisions.  As small children this starts with choosing their clothes with your help, you might offer two acceptable outfits and let them choose.  As they get older, the choices should be more complex.  But never make it a do or die situation, they need to LEARN TO MAKE CHOICES.  Our job as mentors (parents, family, neighbors and community) is to help teach them how.

Kids need opportunities to speak out and even debate issues.  They need to learn to speak with confidence, to look people in the eye and shake hands.  They can learn these skills in school, at home, at church and other community programs.

Raising my kids, I was shocked at how many kids in the neighborhood didn't have chores or work to do - or very little and even more shocking was that their friends enjoyed coming and helping my kids do work.  The value of work is an important skill for them to gain.  Small kids can have chores, be patient with them.  I gave my kids chores and at night I went behind them and cleaned up or fixed the job.  But they can learn to do a job and do it well.

My mother had eight children of her own.  She made most of our food from scratch.  She took the small salary that my dad, a police officer, had and raised us all.  I guess we didn't have a lot of money, but I never knew it.  She was thrifty and industrious.  She made clothes for us - especially new dresses for Easter.  She made Christmas gifts for us.  I have a jewelry box, quilt, and other treasures that were made by my parents.  She canned, had a garden and taught me to be self-sufficient.  She got us part time jobs to earn money.  I weaned animals for farmers, chopped weeds in cotton fields, and babysat.  All this before I was twelve years old.  I learned to work from my mother who had an endless supply of jobs that we were to do well before we were allowed to play.  I knew I could work hard.  I could chop wood for the fire place, and move a bale of hay which can weigh about 50 lbs.  I also learned to ride horses from my mother, which I love to do.  We worked hard and then we played.  My mom had us on picnics, horseback riding, camping, and cooking out.  She taught us to have a good time with each other.  She sacrificed a lot for us.  And one time without knowing, she taught me to pray.  I went into her room late one night and saw her silently on her knees for a long time.  And I knew where she got her strength from.  She loved us.

My dad was in the air force, in fact he was in boot camp when I was born.  After he served he came home and did a few odd jobs.  At one point he owned a janitorial company and I remember helping clean the businesses that hired him. We all pitched in the family business.  My dad went to school and then became a police officer and finally he ran for the office of sheriff.  My dad was a hard worker.  He figured out how to remodel and keep our house that was about 70 years old at the time in good shape.  And of course, guess what - we all learned.  By the time I was in high school I learned to sheet rock a wall, and do a roof.  And when we did that roof, the village showed up to help.  We didn't have money to hire people to fix all the stuff a family of ten goes thru, so my dad learned to do a lot.  I thought he was a genius.  I learned a lot I could do.  And my dad loved to travel, so we did and I learned to love the diversity of this country.  His favorite and mine was the beach.  Most importantly my dad taught me what you focus on grows.  He taught me to raise my kids focusing on what I wanted, not what I didn't want.  He sacrificed a lot for us.  He loved us.

I had tons of bad examples in my life.  I'm sure we all do.  But these are just a few of the great lessons I had in my life from the people in my village.  They all made a difference in who I am today.

Get involved with the youth of today - play games with your children, grandchildren or anyone.  My mother-in-law at the age of 92 still plays games with my kids and that that is one of the best memories they have with her.  She never lets them win either.  When they win, they earn it and they know it.

We all, no matter what, need to make a difference today.  The future needs us to.  Our village needs us.baby-1317627_1920

We are mothers to other's children.  We are teachers.  We are extended family.  We are examples.  We are guardians of virtue and values.  We are the story tellers.  We are the village.

I am grateful to all the adults in my village that continue to teach me and I am grateful to all the adults watching over my children all over the world.  My 2nd child lives in China.  She works for a family and spends a lot of time with this family.  We got to go visit her.  The grandmother assured me they were taking care of my daughter (she is 27 years old) and watching over her.  They knew they were her village and wanted me to know they would watch over her and they do.

You can be sure that I watch over the kids I am around.  I love them all.  And I am excited to see the things the children of this world create.  I look forward to the art and the music being created child-1260421_1920within them.  With pride in my community I listen to the younger ones running for political office and standing up for their values and the good of our community.  There is good in this world and there is greatness in our children!  We are a village and we need each other and we need to watch over and nurture the children.

What are you doing to support your village?  What do you think we need to make happen in our communities?

11 Nov 2012 653Do you know someone special that makes your village better?  If you do, send them a thank you note.

Keep up the good work!

Kally Efros

Indigo Mountain

 

The Power of Forgiveness

i-beg-your-pardon-927746_1920 Pixabay freeForgiveness actually benefits your heart health and your mental well-being.  Normon Cousins once stated, "Life is an adventure in forgiveness."

**Note - the recording cuts out midway, but stay tuned, most of the show is there and you still get a great message.  It was just a minor part that is missing. Keep reading below and I'll include the parts that are missing.

Check out this blog:  The Daily Motivator and his post about The Value of Forgiveness.  He has a beautiful message.  It is short, sweet, profound and a perfect complete message on forgiveness.

The holidays are the perfect time to give yourself and others the gift of forgiveness.  You'll have a better holiday.  Some celebrations can be very painful as the past pain sneaks up on you or you hold yourself back.

It isn't always easy to do for everyone, but we've got ideas to help.  Tune into the Get Real! with Mark and Kally show to catch our show:  The Power of Forgiveness.

Peace is not possible without forgiveness. Martin Luther King once said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.”  It is a daily act of living a life of peace.

The dictionary defines the word forgive as:  To grant pardon for or remission of an offense or debt.  To absolve.  To give up all claim on account of.  To cease to feel resentment against.  To cancel liability.

Forgiveness can be very difficult.  However, it is much easier to do than living with resentment.  Forgiveness allows you to learn the lessons of life and move forward.  It is important to forgive yourself and others even when they don't ask for it.

 

Forgiveness is very powerful and it CAN transform your life.  When you forgive, you are NOT saying that the offence is okay.  Your are saying that you are not going to continue to or even begin to feel resentment.Blame...Forgivenss Heals Monson

We can learn a lot about the Amish people and their experience of daily forgiveness.  In 2006, terrible tragedy struck and many might have felt they were justified in being angry.  But instead, they chose to forgive.  Read more about their story.

Cherie Carter-Scott said, "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were."

Dr. Darren Weissman so eloquently described situations in life as "gifts in strange wrapping paper." The strange wrapping is the experiences in life that you wouldn't always choose, and it is strange wrapping - but there is a gift - there is always a gift.  When you see the gift - the lesson - you can move past the event.  You can gain power from the experience rather than lose your power.

Start by looking at what your'll really upset about.

Next look at how you've handled your pain and your hurt.  What is the cost of holding onto these grudges and disappointments?  What is the cost in energy, intimacy, and self-esteem?

Then you have to decide to let go and forgive.  Don't wait for someone to ask your forgiveness.  Let go of your anger, blame and resentment.  This in turn frees you from what binds you to the person that caused the offence or is at the center of it.

As you let go and forgive you will find you are set free.

Forgiveness requires that you accept the past.  There is no power to change the past.  Holding a grudge or resentment means you want to change the past and that cannot happen.  All you can do is accept what is and what it was.

BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE MEANING OF IT for you.  This is the key point.  Your interpretation of events can be changed - your beliefs.

Karol Truman has a great chapter on forgiveness in her book Healing Feelings from Your Heart, she teaches to write out forgiveness statements many many times until I releases in us.  Check her book out.love-sign-950912_1920 Pixabay free

Carol Tuttle said in her book, Remembering Wholeness, "…forgiveness of anyone who hurts us in our journey is required if we want to graduate into higher states of light and truth.  Our inability to forgive will keep us stuck, make us sick, and cause us to die eventually.  The opposite of forgiveness is blame and resentments:  two  of the lowest vibratory states we can reach.  Forgiveness is a process of releasing us to higher vibrations of gratitude, charity, of peace…"

Most if not all of us have experienced pain and hurt.  People wrong others - it happens.   Have you experienced anger.  I have and hurt so bad, I just wanted to scream and get off the planet hurt.    I have noticed at those times, my health suffers and I don't grow - I literally can feel a difference in vibrant energy.    I was holding onto so much that at one point I had become so angry and closed off.  I needed to feel unconditional love - I had no idea what that was.  As I was praying and meditating on unconditional love, I had a profound experience - I felt this vibration of unconditional love and it was beautiful!!!!  I knew I wanted more.  I let go of the past, the pain, and the resentments.  I thought I had tried to do that before - but not successfully.  The power of love really did help.

In the coming days and weeks I was forever changed - so much so that people close to me noticed.  In fact one of my aunts "lovingly" said, I didn't like you much before - you were not nice (I didn't realize I wasn't being nice) and now you're so different and I really enjoy being around you.

What is key here is - SHE DIDN'T know I might be entitled to some anger or entitled to the baggage I was carrying around.  SHE DIDN'T know I was wronged, attacked, and hurt.  But whatchurch-820339_1280 Pixabay free happened is - I let the experience take over my life - I didn't set out to do that, but because I held on, it affected me.  While I tried to be a good person, slowly over time, the low vibrations took over.

When I accepted unconditional love - this vibration took over because I chose to let go.  I chose to see others as showing love in the only way they knew how.  I chose to re-frame my perspective of the past and accept love and accept the gifts of those experiences.  I wouldn't trade them for anything - they made me who I am.

Studies show that forgiving others is actually very good for your health and it reduces stress in your body.   Even the Mayo Clinic said forgiveness brings with it plenty of health benefits, improved relationships, decreased anxiety and stress, lower blood pressure, lower risk of depression and a stronger immune system.    Holding grudges can cause physical pain.

One study showed that those who had the ability to forgive, tended to live longer.  http://inspiyr.com/health-benefits-of-forgiveness/

There is a growing trend in November to focus on gratitude.  A great idea.   Let us focus December on forgiveness and beginning a new.

Chronic hostility and anger and are among the most toxic forms of stress and not good emotional baggage to bring to a holiday celebration.

Buddha said, "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."  Holding a grudge doesn't fix anything.

Forgiveness improves ALL your relationships.

Focus on the the here and now.  What experiences do you want to create.

For some more great tips on forgiveness, check out Wayne Dyer's website.  He has a great article written, "How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You:  In 15 Steps". 

Kally and Mark for webListen in with us for some tips to help make forgiveness a part of your daily life.  If you are struggling, call or come in and talk to us.  The LifeLine Technique and the EVOX are both wonderful tools that help.  Read more about them on this page.

Mark and Kally

Indigo Mountain:  Wellness, Toys & Gifts

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The Color Code, The Secret to Understanding All Your Relationships

Certified TrainerDr. Taylor Hartman, himself a yellow with a good Blue wife helping him, discovered an amazing key to understanding people in a system called The Color Code.   His book, The People Code is a great guide and has helped thousands.  It is a new way to see yourself, your relationships, and life.

Check out our radio program on the basics of The Color Code.

We are both Color Code Trainers.  We learned the value of The Color Code years ago.  It saved our marriage and helped to understand our children better.  Often when we work with someone they reply, "You've given me the secret code to understanding my spouse and children!"  Once you understand people through really understanding their core motivation, you will never see people in the same way.

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Dr. Hartman's Color Code Personality Assessment is the most accurate, comprehensive and usable test available.  The Color Code is unique in that it identifies WHY you do what you do.  This

allows you very useful insights into what makes you tick.  But not only that - it gives you tools to understand all your relationships.  Everything in life is about RELATIONSHIPS.  One color is neither good nor bad.   Relationships can be puzzling.  This is a great tool to help put the pieces together.

Socrates said that the major task of life is to come to "know thyself".   We do this by examining ourselves and learning our unique motivations, needs, wants, strengths, and yes even knowing our limitations.  When we understand ourselves first, we can better understand how to successfully communicate and relate to others.

iceberg motivation and behavior wordsMany systems out there look at behavior modification and that barely touches the surface.  Picture an iceberg.  Only about 10% of the iceberg is visible above the water.  This 10% represents the behavior.  While 90% below the surface and the real danger for sinking ships is below the surface and represents motive.  Your core motive is at the root.

Life is about personal responsibility and must take 100% responsibility for ourselves and all our relationships.  We need 100% effort.  We have free will coming from our core motive and personality to choose to create our lives and build character.

In order to live optimally, you need to meet your needs - your basic needs.  When you understand your core motive - you can get your needs met.  We can't survive without water or food - they are needs and they are essential.  Without them, we will eventually die.  We need to feed our personality - we can literally starve ourselves when our personality needs don't get met.

I'll spell out the ideal basic qualities of the different personalities, but when we don't understand ourselves we become reactive and may have learned to respond to life in a color that is not our innate personality and it creates bumps in our path and we may struggle with ourselves and our relationships.

Color Code

REDS are the Lifeblood of humanity.  They are the movers and shakers of society.  They move forward from point A to B and get things done.  They are natural leaders and have vision.    REDS NEED:  to look good, technically, to be right, to be respected, and approval from a select few.  Click here to listen to our show on the REDS.

BLUES are the do-gooders.  They are connecting and creating quality relationships and have a great sense of purpose.  Their natural gifts are quality and service.  BLUES NEED:  to be good morally, to be understood, to be appreciated, to be accepted.  Click here to listen to our show on the BLUES.

WHITES offer a model for gentle, human dignity.  They are the peacekeepers.  Their natural gifts are clarity and tolerance.  WHITES NEED:  to feel good inside, to be given space, to be respected and to be accepted.  **Radio show coming soon.

YELLOWS, happy is as happy does.  They generally know what they love and always find the time to do it.  They are the fun lovers and live life "in the moment".  Their natural gifts are enthusiasm and optimism.  YELLOWS NEED:  to look good socially, to be noticed, to be praised, and to receive approval from the masses.  Click here to listen to our show on the YELLOWS.

Remember - no color is better than the others.  We need a good balance - a rainbow.  And the colors are not gender specific.  It is actually divided 50/50.  In other words, 50% of the Red population are women and 50% are women.  There are however, statistically about 35% of the population that is blue, evenly mixed between men and women.

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You can take the free test, get private one on one consultations or join us for classes.  Sign up for our newsletter or send and email for more information on our Color Code Personality Coaching programs.

Many people have a strong single color like our daughter Angela, she is a yellow; while others have a secondary color that directly influences their primary motivation.  Kally is a strong red, with yellow and that impacts her life.  Mark is a blue for sure, but he is affected as well by his secondary color yellow and by his 3rd color red and his environment and how he was raised.

We can help you better understand yourself and your relationships.  Click here to catch the overview of The Color Code on our Get Real! with Mark and Kally show on Your True Colours Image Radio.testh

Take the FREE TEST at this link.  And if you really want to learn more information about yourself, specific to you... then pay the small fee and get the full results.  You'll get videos and tons of information about your personality and more importantly about your unique combination with your secondary color.

Kally and Mark for webHave a great day!

Mark and Kally

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The Color Code, A Look Inside a RED Personality

piechart-kSIvFfBxLets get to know the REDS.  When you understand personality science, you have a key to understanding all your relationships better.  On today's show, we'll dive deep into the mind of the "go-getters".  They can often seem intimidating, they seek challenges, and have the gift of vision.  But they can come across as demanding.  Reds are the "life-blood" of humanity.  Join us to learn how to understand them better.

Healthy REDS are the lifeblood of humanity.  They are the movers and shakers of society.  Their ability to get from point A to point B directly and get things done is one of their gifts and strengths.  Their natural talents are vision and leadership.

REDS are motivated by power, this isn't the controlling kind of power - power means getting things done.  Reds don't always have to be in charge, we will follow a good leader.  Often Reds feel like this, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way."

If you missed our show on The Color Code, a general overview, check it out here.  That will give you a good background.

Raising a Red child can be quite a challenge.  They might seem disrespectful at times.  If you have a child that is a red, and you are having a challenge with them, put them in charge of something.  I have found my Red children will stand up to me and challenge me especially when they don't understand something.  You don't want them to learn to be disrespectful, but YOU do need to respect their healthy questioning and desire to understand situations.

Reds absolutely NEED TO:  look good technically, be right, be respected and attain approval from a select few.  If you are a Red or you have a Red in your life, recognize these NEEDS, and find a way to meet them for yourself or those you care about.   When I'm in a discussion with someone - especially my husband, the magic key words are, "Your right, but I feel this way" or "I can see your point, but...".   Many people have issues with a Red's need to be right - remember this is a need.  In most cases, a healthy Red will not voice a strong opinion or speak out unless they absolutely believe they are right.  And in most cases - the Reds are right.  There are some cases where this is not always true.  And, this doesn't mean other people can't be right as well.

Reds would rather get the job done than play.

red talentsAs a good example I relate my experience with Mark in remodeling our house.  He wants to make sure the corners and lines are perfect and was taking forever.  Me on the other hand, the Red, I recognized the imperfection of the general construction and knew that job just needed to get done as quickly as possible.  So with a Red driving the project and a Blue wanting perfection - you have to find balance - and that balance can be very empowering to both.  When we were not making progress on the house, it was causing me stress - not making progress or moving forward.

If you are a Red, understand that you can be very focused with limited perspective of others.  I used to be that, like I had blinders on until I realized that the world wasn't made up of people just like me.

Reds might find that they competitive - it is a good way to motivate them.

If you want to relate well to a red, DO present information to them in a logical way with facts and figures.  Be direct, brief, and specific - think bullet points.  As a red mother, when my kids come to tell me about their day, they can go on and on with many details.  It is hard for me to take in that mass of information and I can't get it.  So I have learned to say to my kids - "stop, what is the point?"  Once I know the point, I can listen with my heart to their details, but I need to get my brain to hear the bullet points first.

DON'T argue from an emotional perspective and don't be slow and indecisive.  And whatever you do, don't publicly humiliate them or make them look technically inadequate in front of others.

If you are a Red, learn to connect with others emotionally and socially.  Refrain from blaming others who fail to meet commitments.  And most importantly, relax, don't be over demanding.  Do be open to suggestions.

Don't forget to listen to the show, for a lot more details on understanding reds.color code trainerlogo

For more information on the BLUES, click here.

For more information on the YELLOWS, click here.

And coming soon, a focus on the WHITES.

We are Certified Color Code Trainers.  We live The Color Code, it has made a huge difference in our life and in our marriage.  And it certainly helped us raise our kids and help them get on the path to reach their full potential.  We can help you understand yourself better and the relationships you have with people.  Reds are very dynamic and this is just a brief overview of their personality.   Reds are vital to our society.

If you have not taken the test, click here or on the link.  You can take the free test and even better, using this link you get a discount.  Get the full results that take a look at your secondary color and specific information tailored to you.  You get videos and information to help you understand yourself better.

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Kally Oct Chinese Outfit tall 2Remember, Reds are not bossy, they just think they have better ideas.   😉

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Mark and Kally

The Get Real! with Mark and Kally on Your True Colours Image Radio

 

 

Laughter and Loyalty, Two Keys to a Happy Marriage

Kally and Mark compressedI have been married to my husband, Mark for 28 years.  I won’t lie to you…some of those years were not so fun.  But we stuck it out and worked through our issues, and the end result is a very happy marriage and life together.  Along the way we have moved 12 times, lived in a hotel 3 different times (he was in the hotel business), lived in our RV for almost 2 years and lived in 5 different states.  We have 7 wonderful children and 1 dog.  We have suffered disappointments of all kinds.  There were times when we didn’t know how we were going to pay the bills the next day and times we were so mad at each other we had to separate into corners to “cool off”.  In the end, we still love each other even more than when we got married.  There are even couples that have been married for 89 years and they talk of a happy marriage.

What is our secret for a happy marriage?  We have many that we have learned through the years that has saved our marriage and helped us forge an incredible bond.  I’m going to focus on 2 of them:  Laughter and Loyalty.

The definition of loyalty is:  Faithfulness to commitments or obligations.Kally and Mark wedding rings

When you enter into a marriage, you agree to certain terms that both parties agree on.  For a successful marriage and a healthy relationship, loyalty is a trait that should be nurtured by both parties all the time.  When there is no loyalty, trust is betrayed and it leaves the partners feeling vulnerable and unsupported.  If trust is broken, work to repair that trust.

Some relationships are dysfunctional and abusive.  In those cases couples should seek professional advice.  If you are in a difficult relationship, take care of yourself.  But even then, you can practice the art of loyalty, which may even help your spouse get the help they need.

Here are a few keys to fostering a marriage with loyalty.

  1. Be completely honest with each other.
  2. Don’t talk about your spouse behind their back to anyone, except clergy, councilors, or a life coach. This includes friends and family.  Let’s face it, if you talk about how bad your spouse is, most of those people will back you up; and that can destroy a marriage.  If you do talk to others to get advice, they should be neutral.  And you should only have that conversation to gain understanding about yourself and your spouse.  Never bash your spouse.   Even if you do have family and friends that are neutral, it still puts them in an awkward place.
  3. Make a good effort to get along with your in-laws. Avoid speaking negatively about them.  If you accept your spouse, you accept where they came from as well.
  4. Be your spouse’s best cheerleader. Support them in what they do.
  5. Be each other’s best friend. You can still have your friends, but your spouse should always be your best friend.Honeymoon Lover by Piyaphon at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
  6. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you will form a replacement relationship while married.
  7. Make the needs of your spouse just as important as your own needs. Give service to your spouse.
  8. Love your spouse unconditionally. This means without conditions or terms.  Don’t hold them hostage.
  9. Practice forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes.
  10. Learn to understand the way your spouse thinks, communicates and receives love. We love the books The People Code by Dr. Taylor Hartman and The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman to help.  Speaking your partner’s language really helps.

Loyalty in a marriage means you are committed to the contract of marriage and that relationship.  It comes first.  If you fall out of love, out of honor, remain loyal still.  Work on the things you can work on and perhaps you will find love again.  It happens.  Every marriage goes through the ups and downs of life.  We have seen our fair share.  The key has been that we are absolutely loyal to each other.  No one or nothing has become between the two of us.  At one point we hit a rough spell and we agreed to talk to our religious leader.  He chuckled and said we hit the 7 year itch and that it would pass.  He had years of experience on us and offered neutral advice to both of us…and it passed.  Had we gone to friends or family or looked for other areas to lick our wounds, we would probably not have stayed married.  No marriage is without a challenge.  And it is well worth the effort.

When loyalty exists in a marriage, couples are happier and more satisfied with their lives according to a Northwestern University study.

April is National Humor Month.  Humor is an incredible tool to heal the body and help balance emotions.  It can take the tension out of tough situations and relationships.  We all need to laugh at ourselves and our relationships.

The old saying, “Laughter is good medicine”, is really true.  It can mend bridges of discontent easier than anything.

Laughter establishes or restores a positive emotional climate and sense of connection between two people, who literally take pleasure in the company of each other.  The levity can diffuse anger and anxiety, which can pave a path to intimacy.  Read more about the benefits of Laughter.

Early in our marriage we recognized the value of laughter.  One Christmas present we gave each other was a Thumb War book.  We agreed that in an argument we would battle it out with a ‘Thumb War’ first and then discuss our issues.  After a good laugh, the issues seemed to clear up or we found them easier to talk about.

Laughter releases good chemicals in the brain and helps to reduce stress.   Less stress equals better relationships.

Make note of the funny moments each day.  Make it a habit to share something funny that happened while eating dinner.  Enjoy comedies on TV and in movies (don’t forget the classics).  Share jokes.  Reflect on the funny times you have had in the past.

Work together to build a great sense of humor in your relationship.  It really does release negative tension.  Read more from Laughter and Humor in Your Marriage.

Don’t let life get too serious.  Laughter really is good therapy.  It is healing to both the physical body, your mental state, and your emotional well-being.

Nurture both laughter and loyalty in your marriage and you will find that these tools are better than years of therapy.  Remember, you chose to marry your spouse, for better or for worse.  A good belly laugh can make the tough times more enjoyable and will give you the resilience to push through.  When you are loyal to your partner, it says a lot about your character as well.

My husband is my best friend!  We started out as good friends while dating and over the years, we have drawn apart and grown and even closer together.  Being able to laugh at ourselves is one of our secrets of success.   I sure love that guy of mine!

Kally

Photo Credit by Piyaphon at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Kally and Mark

Book Review – The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

four-agreementsThe Book, The Four Agreements, is a trans-formative book by Don Miguel Ruiz.  The book reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering.  It is based on ancient Toltec wisdom.

Join us for this episode as we discuss the Four Agreements.

When I first read this book, it made so much sense.  It is a short and simple book to reads and is like a story.   While small, it contains a very valuable message.  Mastering anyone of The Four Agreements would improve your life drastically.

Don Miguel Ruiz was born in Mexico and is the youngest of 13 children.  He originally attended Medical school and became a surgeon.  He realized one day that what needed to be healed was not only the physical brain, but the human mind as well.   he realized that the ancient Toltec wisdom of family was all the tools needed to change the human mind. He returned to his mother to finish his training and became a Shaman.

The Four Agreements was published in 1997 and was a New York Times bestseller for more than 7 years.

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word.  Speak with integrity and say only what you mean.  Don't speak badly about yourself or gossip about others.

I have always believe the 2 most powerful words we have are "I am....".  What do you say to yourself following the 'I am'?  We often follow that with something that puts ourselves down.  Instead start your day creating a powerful intention for yourself using "I am.....".  For example, I am happy, I am successful or I am peaceful.

I noticed years ago I used to say, 'I am so sick and tired of such and such behavior.'  Well pretty soon - I did start to become in reality sick and tired.   I quickly changed my language and become don-miguel-ruiz-shimpeccable with my word and began to say what I meant.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally.   Nothing others do is because of you.  What they do and say is a projection of their own reality.

So simple and so powerful this concept.   Don't be easily offended and realize that every person on the planet speaks their own language and filters through their experiences of life.

3.  Don't Make Assumptions.  Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want.  Communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

Become a true scientist and ask questions.  Look at your world and your relationships and ask.  Don't assume meaning behind words and action.  What a word means to you, will mean something different to another person.  Your knowledge is based on what your experiences have taught you they mean.  A simple sigh can be an indication of I'm tired or I'm really frustrated.  Ask and find out before you assume.

4.  Always Do Your Best.  Your best will change from moment to moment and it will be different in different circumstances.  Just simply do your best.

My father taught me to work the same for a dime or for $20 an hour, that I should always do my best.  Remember everyone on the planet is doing their best also.  Look at the world without judgement.  Avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.

As you try to live these agreements you will most likely find resistance in the mind.  Don't get frustrated as you go through a transformation.  There are years of habits and history and family patterns.  Be kind to yourself and work on becoming aware.  December is a time we focus on giving gifts to others.  Give yourself and your community a great gift this year by embracing these for traits.

Kally and Mark for webWe have tools at Indigo Mountain that can help.  The LifeLine Technique and the EVOX are terrific at facilitating transformation.

Get the book if you don't already have it.  If you do, read it again.  Enjoy the program.

Enjoy!

Kally and Mark

Color Code Focus “Life as a Yellow” an Interview with Angela Efros

Piechart Color Code yellowListen in to our interview with a live hard core yellow, Angela Efros.  Explore what it is like to be a yellow personality and how to relate to the yellow people in your life.

The Color Code is an amazing system that looks at what a persons key motivation is.  We'll be looking at the yellows which are motivated by FUN.  Many people get frustrated with the yellows in their lives as they appear unfocused and superficial.

Truth is, we need the yellows in our lives and society to lighten things up and cheer us on.  Happy is as happy does.  Yellow people love themselves because they know exactly what they love to do and always find time to do it.  Their core motive is all about fun.  But they bring to us their natural gifts of enthusiasm and optimism.

 

We have raised 2 yellow children and we are Expert Certified Color Code Trainers.   If you missed our episode on the Color Code, you can catch it here.  It is a good overview and will help you understand why we do what we do.

Follow the link for your free personality assessment or pay the small fee and get the full update and analysis including your secondary colors.free-test

If you try to squeeze a yellow into a box of conformity, you will not succeed.  They might do it but they will be unhappy.  The yellows thrive on freedom and are spontaneous, fun-loving, happy and very sociable in general.  But they can be uncommitted, self-centered, disorganized and unfocused.

yellow giftsThe needs of a yellow are often misinterpreted as selfish or self-centered.  They really are not, and they really do NEED these needs met which are:  they need to look good socially, to be noticed, to be praised, and to receive approval from the masses.  Not getting these needs met, really is starving them.  So if you have yellows in your life, compliment them and tell them how great they look.  Give them opportunities to shine to the world.  Encourage their natural desire to 'be on stage'.  If you are a yellow, it is okay to really appreciate praise.  When a yellows needs are met, they are amazing at looking after others as they tend to be very inclusive.  You may find yourself drawn to a yellow with their natural charisma.  But don't expect a lot of hands on touchy feely responses back.

When Angela was growing up, she was always on stage - we happily encouraged her need and desire to perform.  Now in her adult life, she is a performer and if feeds her.  At the same time as a child, she was the center of attention.  But you couldn't ask for a happier child, except from our other yellow child.  In order to teach her to work, we made it fun.  In fact this was so successful that one time when she was home visiting, she decided it would be "fun" to clean out a kitchen cupboard.

When talking with Yellows remember to take a positive, upbeat approach.  Offer them praise and appreciation.  Do no ignore them and do not expect them to dwell on problems.  They don't like even facing their problems.  With practice they can learn.  You'll soon recognize that Yellows tend to joke around a lot.  And they really are more sensitive than they appear. Many people confuse the Yellow personality with symptoms of ADHD because Yellows can have short attention spans and seem to bounce around from subject to subject.  This is just the nature of their personality.

Yellows need to learn to focus on important tasks and give it the attention it deserves.   Set specific goals each day.  Focus on what is necessary.  Reward yourself for sticking to the task at hand.  Learn to listen to others.  And finally - look at the big picture and break it down to small tasks and activities so that it wont overwhelm you.

Angela Sept 2012 for a show in SeptemberThis is a great show for anyone with a 'yellow' in their life and to help spark some yellow character traits in your own life.  It was a lot of fun interview our own daughter, who happens to be  a core yellow with no strong secondary color.  I am so grateful for The Color Code System as it really did help me be a better mother and focus on fun in this child's life.  And along the way, she taught me to connect to my inner fun.  It was a win win all the way around.  She is an amazing success and living her life of her dreams.  You can check out Angela's Web page by clicking on her name to keep up with her.

Thanks for tuning in.  Do you have questions or comments about the Yellow personality?  If you enjoyed this show, please let us know and share with your friends.

Check out the REDS here.  Check out the BLUES here.  Coming soon, the whites.

Mark and Kally

On the Get Real! with Mark Kally show on Your True Colours Image Radio